(13.5 Miles: “Lemonade flavoured ice-lollies are underrated”, “fishermen hate it when you ask if they’ve caught anything.”, “Let’s take it in turns to ask.”)
Up until now we’ve been massively unlucky with the weather – the first leg took place on a chilly March day, the two following have been soaking wet. So I can’t pretend that I wasn’t extraordinarily happy to see the sun shining on Sunday morning for a change – although it wasn’t quite the bonus it appeared as we shall see…
We’re properly outside the capital ring now so getting to the start point was a bit of a trek and two trains but finally we were down Teddington High Street and over the lock, side-stepping a collision between two cyclists and an angler which appeared to require much English tutting. Once onto the gravel of the path it immediately became obvious that the benefits that the sunshine brought were offset by the number of people out to enjoy the weather. We were ducking between other walkers and, more annoyingly, constantly jumping out of the way of oncoming cyclists [Fletch Anger Level: 2%].
The river meanders gently beneath a canopy of trees until it reaches Kingston where we were forced, for the first time, to cross to the path on the other side of the bank. We manfully braced ourselves against this though and, after a brief stop to examine a sad looking Mercedes W110, we were able to enter Hampton Court Park, by way of a regatta. The wide thoroughfare soon gave way to a pedestrian and bike only path – the smooth surface apparently encouraging the cyclists to floor it [Fletch Anger Level: 18%]. Despite knowing that Hampton Court was over our shoulders to the right, we were unable to see any evidence of it until we came out of the park at its northern extremity and were presented with a lovely view of the house itself in all its Elizabethan splendour… which was unfortunately somewhat spoilt by the massive crowds of people trying to get into the Flower Show which was on. Still, looking on the bright side, we were able to buy ice-creams from the van at the queue so it wasn’t all bad. Walking up the entranceway to Hampton Court Bridge, I was forced to point out to a horsey looking woman on a bike that no matter how much she rang her bell, I wasn’t going to leap into the river to allow her past [Fletch Anger Level 38%].
Back over the river onto the southern bank and our stroll developed into a route march – the midday heat was beginning to take it’s toll and the river provided very little of interest to take our attention away. Walled in on one sie by the barrier to the massive reservoirs which lie along the river here and with only a tunnel of trees in front of us our pace slackened and Don started to make pointed remarks about Ice Cold in Alex. Fortunately, before sunstroke set in, we arrived at the The Weir . Outside, a mass of posh Sunday-lunchtime pub goers were bustling about but on walking into the bar, we found the place deserted. We happily ordered the ice-cold good stuff and settled down a table. Looking up 30 seconds later a massive queue had developed in front of the bar as if the people outside had watched us go in and, to a man, thought “I say, look at those oiks walking straight to the bar. What japery! I shall do the same, haw haw haw!”. The downside was that The Weir is too posh to do chips on a Sunday, and faced with the choice of having boiled potatoes with a steak and ale pie, we declined and headed back to the path.
Beyond the weir, the path narrowed right down and cyclists became a total menace, riding up silently and giving us the full bell treatment as we leapt out of our skins [Fletch Anger Level 77%]. By now we were famished and scanning around desperately for an alternative pub. And then, like a beacon out of the glaring sunlight, we saw the Swan. No fanciness here, just a barbecue being manned by a couple of friendly Australians and a splendid bar which served beer to the outdoors through a hatch in the outside wall… and idea so brilliant I was tempted to ring the patent office.
Fully refuelled, we rejoined the path knowing, from reference to Fletch’s map, that our destination was going to be Chertsey Bridge. A short walk upstream on the south side left us, almost, marooned as we suddenly realised that we were some distance from the nearest bridge and the Thames Path on this bank was about to come to a grinding halt in a carpark. Fortunately we were SAVED by a minor reference on the map to a ferry at Shepperton Weir. No Sealink job this: to board the ferry, the customer must ring a little bell and ready £1.50 in change. This we duly did and were massively amused to see a lanky teenage lad come ambling down the slipway on the opposite bank and get into a tiny motorboat. He puttered across the river, performed an uncontrolled u-turn and let us aboard. £1.50 buys you 30 seconds on the boat, but we thought it worth every penny as we surged across the river, posing as though we were off to take on the Spanish Armada.
On the other bank, we picked our way through the general public sunning themselves on the towpath and followed the path along the side of the road and bending slightly away from the river. Fletcher’s beer and sun addled brain suddenly sparked into life and he became convinced that we were walking the wrong along the river. Rational arguments from Don and I relaxed him though and presently the path bent back towards the river through a meadow of cows, one of which came up to have a good look at us. The meadow ran down to the water’s edge, and it was through this pleasant rural idyll that we finally emerged onto Chertsey Bridge and (what we thought was) the final few metres to the station….
…But actually it turns out that the map we had lost all sense of scale once away from the river. And what looked like a pleasant 10 minute stroll to the station, actually became a less pleasant 30 minutes slog (with a mild detour when, ignoring Fletch’s lack of sense of direction earlier, we followed him confidently down an alleyway and became stuck in a corporate car park, much to the bemusement of a security guard standing in a window. The station came as blessed relief after that, and that can’t often be said of South West Trains.